Origin of Codependency

              ​Typically codependency is defined as one person enabling another, or as one person not being able to exist without defining themselves through someone else.  This is often a topic that comes up when discussing addiction or troubled relationships. A codependent person is completely reliant on others for approval and self-identity. While there is so much written on how to recognize codependency or how to rescue yourself from it, a more important conversation might be where it comes from.  The hard truth is codependency comes from parents not being able to parent appropriately.  In most cases the child has to become the care taker, taking care of the parent and their needs.  This is enmeshment and can be dangerous as the child explores relationships with family and with others.
            A harder truth to face is that codependency when it comes to parenting can actually be seen as a form of abuse. It is abusive for a parent to require a child to take care of them.  Yes,  parents do the best they can, and how they parent will often depend on how they were raised.  However there is a certain point where a person has to take responsibility for themselves and their behavior.  A person who is codependent simply does not have those skills. When a child has needs or wants and their parents aren’t there emotionally, the child feels abandoned.  They can not recognize their own needs or boundaries and have trouble forming and cultivating relationships. Typically people don’t know this is happening to them.  Being aware of your needs take practice. Once you realize that you are only ok if someone else is ok, you can start to face your co-dependency.